The Ghost in the Machinery….

Ach. Well, I guess just when one is sure one knows a thing, your own true nature slaps you back in to focus.

I swore over and over again I was fine. I stood tall, and I took the rain. Matter of fact, not a lot can be seen different in me between then and now. But I am. I went down hard, and stayed down, it seems. I’ve ignored all, and crawled in to me…

And now? I looked out of my cave today. I saw the sun for the few short minutes it shared itself in the UK. I loved every second of it. Until today, I only shared me with the Moon…because it’s dark, and safe, and something you can do alone. When you are busy dancing as fast as you can, the Moon is your surest friend.

But today? I saw more, and I wanted more, and I became. I never realised I had tucked in to me until I woke up.

For my friends and family who some how knew it and gave me the space to deal, and the quiet acceptance to heal… I love you for it. I never saw the protective bubble I was in until I decided to leave it for a few minutes. It’s bloody brilliant out there folks.

And so I say leave, and let me go. I’ve loved and lost, and now it seems I am ready to play again. I’ll be tying up my shoes and joinin’ y’all in the playground a little more often.

You know… The Portuguese word “tanto” is a forever kind of word. There is nothing bigger than tanto…and for me, it covers a multitude of things. I’ll be dancing and laughing. See you all there.

<bowing low to the quiet support I never even realised I had.>

Lynn – smiling now, a real smile… from the soap-box.

Cruising with the top down…

Yea, I know you all think I am full of shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I live in the UK and the weather blows.

HOWEVER, that said, I was brave. I met the world head on… I shouted at the top of my lungs “Damn the consequences!” and I drove with the top down. It was 4 glorious minutes of hair whipping in the wind and my lips turning blue. But you know? I was there… Oh yeah. I connected.

I left a little shaky … sang thru the tears and ended with a laugh. I refused all phone calls, and drove far too fast. I sad bad words that no one heard but me. I even went completely off the reservation and ate a McDonalds hamburger… that I am still paying for, heath wise.

Days of music, nights of laughter. I returned a new woman. Well, newish. Ok ok… to keep the dramatic bullshit down to a low scream… I am actually the same woman, but I came back relaxed. That’s gotta be something like an improvement, yeah?

The point is… I’m smiling. I faked it until it became real… and damn it, I’m digging this. I don’t care that it makes no sense at all.

Love,

Lynn – raising her glass from the soap-box.

Burn me up inside…nice and slow.

“I think that I would miss you.. even if I never met you”. (Adrianne)

“Fuck peace… fight for your happiness” (Lynn)

This is an awesome statement. When something seem so big you can’t see past the edge of it, and you spend your days trying to make head or tails of it… that statement really seems to fit. Oh believe me, there is always an edge to it..

Just sometimes, that fookin edge is so damn hard to see. Right now… it’s like some evil bastard tied a blindfold around my eyes, spun me three times fast and set me off to find it. I know it’s out there and my arms are out wide to find it, but will I be lucky enough to bump it.

I don’t need to make sense, dammit, nothing needs to make sense. The whole world can go to hell and back, and I would still like to smile and laugh at my own stupid jokes. If you love me, you’ll laugh too, even if the joke isn’t funny… because love doesn’t make sense. Doesn’t need to. I don’t want it to. Neither should you.

I’ll take it all off. I’ll stand here naked and judged. I don’t care… I never have cared. The other opinions don’t filter… Fuck peace. Fight for more. I’ll do what it takes… and everyone who knows me, knows that. All I can do for the whole world as stand exposed and hold my hand out and hope a few of you are brave enough to take my hand and accept the fact… the ever so profound fact…

That peace is over rated.

Rip off the blind fold, get your bearings, find the edge… and jump.

Figure it out, before you fall apart.

Lynn…

Loving some serious me time on the soap-box.

Blogging on the run...

Ohhh, how can one feel so modern and retro at the same time? I'll tell you...I just managed to put 'band on the run' in my head with the title of this blog.
I am feeling uniquely blesses that I can share this iPhone mobile blogging moment with Paul Mcartny and 'Wings'.

Beautiful.

L xxx
Singing on the soap box


-- Posted from my iPhone

Lovin, life, and that Jimmy Carter smile

Hey, they say you should never blog when your on a bit of a booza… so I hope everyone pays attention to this as I might embarrass myself too much to ever let the wine speak again!

You know, as a piece of wisdom that we should all keep – My Mimi says ‘You spend all your life learning, and when you finally learn enough, you die’. These are some pretty true words. We spend our lives always reaching, learning even if we don’t notice that we are picking up the things we learn.

Some of us get to learn only a few things, then it’s time to go. We all know someone who had to leave before the learning was done… but you know, they are still teaching us even when they are gone.

Tonight, I am thinking on the things I have learned from one who left me years ago… but his Jimmy Carter smile teaches me still. 15 years after he is gone, and he still teaches me how to have laughter thru tears as I remember him. He teaches me that love never fades, and can continue to grow. He shows me that I can take a soul destroying loss and pick myself up from the floor and see the world eye to eye. He gives me perspective, the memory of his laughter brings me peace.

Most of all, when the world gets too much, I know I can stop just for a minute and think of that damn toothy Jimmy Carter smile just before he throws his glasses in to the fan… and the memory gives me a laugh, makes my heart beat stronger, shows the love, and reminds me that I have strength.

Love,
Lynn – having a glass of wine on her soap box

Time to slow… time to speed up… time to have a cold beer…

And time to make time to reflect. It occurs to me as I move house and start yet one more new chapter in my life, that there are many things in my world that run at different speeds. There are things that I hold very close that I wish to run at ‘warp speed’… and there are few things that I wish would slow ‘the fuck’ down.

An example of what I would like to see slowing… My boy. He’s nearly 17 and he’s itching at the post to get out of the house. I mean it, there are teeth marks on the door way where he has tried to chew his way free. I can understand his need for freedom, but dammit, who will take out the trash when he’s gone? I know, I know.. it’s the little things.

No, seriously, he’s always been my baby, and now I am starting to see him struggle to be a man – and I wish this whole process would slow down.

Thank god Chot is in charge…Or I don’t know where we would be. She seems to be speeding up too, but at a nice slow pace thus far, so it’s dealable at the current time. She keeps Seth and I in line and reminds us to eat regularly.

A thing I would like to see sped up… well, I am not at liberty to go in to ‘detailus extremus’ (yall didn’t know I knew some fake ass latin did ya…) but let’s suffice it to say that Luis knows what I mean, and that’s enough for now.

Another speed demon act that would be nice… is if the ‘house unpacking fairy’ would just whiz in here and make this shit all sorted, quickly. That would be grand. While she’s at it and up, she can get me a cup coffee (sensuous .. since you was up..).

Faster meals, slower beers… longer showers, shorter distance. Longer time, slower time, faster smiles, slower goodbyes. Longer passion… longer kisses… quicker dishes, lazy sunshine.

I’m sure my neighbours will enjoy the fact that an absolute foookin nutter has moved in…

Hooty hooty hooty (had to be done, cousin dear… had to be done)

Lovin y’all from the soap-box

Lxxx

So, how is it gonna be?

Well, I’ll tell you how it’s gonna be….

It’s gonna be life, and love… it will be bravery and will power. It’s gonna be the wonder of a brand new world, and the power to put that foot forward and fear nothing.

Oh, my, I can tell you how it’s gonna be. Take that beer, pull up a chair, let me tell you how it’s gonna be.

It’s gonna be nights of passion and days of laughter. It’s gonna be taking our shoes off and feeling the sand between our toes. It’s gonna be whispers of love in the dark and demands for rudeness in the light. It’s gonna be sunshine thru the trees and snuggling away from the cold. It’s cheating at Monopoly and sharing the remote. This is what it’s gonna be… I’ll tell you how it’s gonna be and more…

It’s gonna be held with two hands. It’s gonna be seen with wonder and eyes so wide. It’s gonna be a low whispered pleading that’s met with the pride of love.

If you’ll just look at me, believe me when I speak, I’ll tell you how it’s gonna be. It’s gonna be what you need, and you are gonna take what I give. I’m gonna crawl, I’m gonna walk with pride, I’m gonna sit next to you in silence… You will take all this and more, because it’s yours and that’s how it’s gonna be.

I’m a bossy wee bitch… And it’s too late, the bitch fell…

That’s how it’s gonna be.

Speaking softly from the soap-box

Lx

You’ll be famous as you are… Once again I cannot sleep…

Well my lovelies, here I sit, 1:30 am and it would appear that sleep is no where in sight. Again <sigh>. I can only assume this is because I have so many lovely things rattling around in my pretty little brain.

Shhhh – lovely secret things! You will hear about it all soon enough :-).

It would appear that I am self medicating a bit this evening – having a few glasses of wine as I have a little sing-song. So I think tonight's little observation is going to be about being a little dangerous… maybe a little brave.

I adore being single – I really really do. I love not sharing the remote, and I thrive on things being exactly where I left them. I get absolutely orgasmic over the fact I don’t have wash some man’s knicks…And I don’t have to share the good wine with a git who doesn’t get it… Ha!
I am not willing to give this up easily. I have reached an age that has brought me a bit of peace – finally.

It’s a brave thing to hit this world eye to eye alone. Sure you have mates, you have family, you have love… but I know that I can hit the bottom face first, and get up alone, smiling. There is lots of power in that, people. The kung-fu is strong.

Don’t get me wrong – I love and I laugh. I don’t mind having the touch of a good man… BUT – I have found strength and peace and it’s glorious. I guess it took a little solitude and being without someone nagging the piss outta me day and night to find this little thing…

Let’s get back singing now…

Saw the world turning in my sheets and once again I cannot sleep.
Walk out the door and up the street; look at the stars beneath my feet.
Remember rights that I did wrong, so here I go…

Thank you, Mr. Blunt for the sing-song this evening!

Peace be with ye – From the soap-box

My ‘Give a Shit’ was not busted, y’all.

I just got busy :-). It’s not that I don’t love you, loyal reader(s)…I just had to put you on ‘ignore’ for a tiny bit while I caught up with the boring side of living <sigh>.

If it wasn’t for the God-given beauty of an antlantique (Chambord, schnapps, vodka, lemon juice), some of these recent days could have involved an ill humour, or even a mischief.

My current rant is : Why, and I do mean with a loud and long good accent..WHhhhhyyyyyy – do my ex’s feel like they get a freakin opinion about my day? Why? What is it about *me* that the ex’s of my life won’t release?

Example – My recent ex wanted to come over yesterday and collect the 50kg of dog food that he left behind. I wasn’t home. I told him so in a text message in response. Do you *know* what he said? Check this out ‘I wish you had told me you weren’t going to be home before I got on the road!’

WHAT the hell, I ask you? Why on *earth* would I give a run-down of my plans to an ex? Is there some new rule out there that says I need to tell my ex I am going to leave the house just in case he wants to come by? Or am I meant to just ‘connect’ and anticipate his needs? Ha!!

Needless to say – that text got *no* answer. None. I stared at my phone in disbelief for a moment, laughed – and carried on about my day.

Ohhhhhhh it was a day that included the purchase of a fabulous yellow summer top…. I am divine in it!!! Does that perfect ‘boob’ thang – girls, you know what I mean!

Lovin y’all from the soap-box

Lxxx

As I lay here… not quite foetal :-)

I just need to start off with a ‘jeeze man’ my back is killing me. I caught myself in a fall yesterday, and thought it was no big deal… but now my lower back is feeling DIRE! I think I might need to go off to the docs tomorrow… shite! I’d go foetal with the pain if I could bend that way . . . :-)

I also gotta say – I’ve got an exciting new chapter happening in my world. I’ve had some sad closures… but I’ve got some pretty exciting beginnings going on to.

I’ll be writing more about all this soon, but just now, I need to go and deal with this awesome back pain.

You are not forgotten… just postponed!

Love,

Lx

A new hope...(Let's all have a fluffy bunny-hug)

Sounds a bit like the beginning of Star Wars :-)
New World, new hope... If I could make this scroll up the screen with some theme tunes... Man move over Lucas!

First I need to share my crushing, and I do mean shattered, experience... I found out late last night that Leafy made rusks. I *adore* her rusks. Seriously, I actively steal them when she makes them. I put them in a box and I hide in the back garden to eat them. I have been told I have a problem - perhaps one of those little addictions that you hear so much about on all the best talk-shows.
I usually find a reason to spend the night at her house when I know she has them drying out.. so that I can be on hand to steal the best ones. So I am sneaky as well...

But now, she's in Wigan. And she made them -and get this shiiaat- for people I don't even know! I kid you not, total strangers to me have eaten them. They don't love her rusks like I do. I bet they don't moan when they dunk them in coffee... Sweet baby James, I think I'm a little turned on by these!
So now, I'm crushed. Rusks were made, and I have none. I am having coffee *right freaking now* and I have no rusk. Are you feeling my pain, loyal reader?

Now that we have cleared the pain out of the way... I'm heading for the New World, people. I will be dropping hints and details as time goes, so pay attention.

New Hope, New World :-)
Less rain, more smiles, new adventures to be had. The land of great seafood and great music beckons...

Lovin' Yall from the edge.... if I only had a rusk to call my own...

I’m tired – please show me something real.

I am preparing to walk out the door and up the street… do I need to put my wellies on?

I am smelling suspicious amounts of bullshit in my lovely little world and I am thinking I need to go all 005.1 (I’m too short for 007) on the cause.

The thing is, I am struggling to work out why I should even care…I think today’s little chat will about life, and bullshit interjections.

Why do we have this? Is it that we need to create drama where there is none, in order to make our worlds more interesting? Will we ever learn that back-biting and bullshit never works…reality works. Honesty works. No hiding who and what you are – that works.

Bullshit is a short-term thrill, and it does not work. Yet, as a people we seem to be so often covered in the stuff.

I’m shrinking my world, people. I want real. No more purveyors of bullshit. Just because I don’t give a shit, does not mean that I don’t care… I would rather have 1 good friend that I can trust, than be surrounded by 100 half arsed attempts.

Are you on that list? Do I need to get my wellies on when you are near? If I need wellies for you… then go on home. I have enough short term thrills that are sexier than bullshit for any day of my week.

Am I upset? No. Am I sad? No.

I am real… are you?

Love,

Lxx – tired of having to scrape massive amounts of smelly bullshit out of the way every time she walks out the door.

NICO STAI on MySpace Music - Free Streaming MP3s, Pictures & Music Videos

This guy is my latest discovery… If you are a fan of Indie, and we all know anyone with any good taste is, you gotta go check this out. He’s a virtual ‘unknown’, but man is he good.

Love,

L xx

Perfect hair, pouty lips, stunning legs…

Yes, it’s me – well sorta. It’s a bit like having a face lift, except it’s not real. It’s my latest ‘net love… Second Life.

The people are real people, the places are all user created and even the Smithsonian is on there! But do you wanna know the very best part?? You get to create your own avatar (that’s geek-speak for animated computer person).

I, and I shit you not, have even found a live blues joint near a trailer park on the Gulf Coast…I am talking Second Life here folks.

Check it out – that’s me! Nearly as gorgeous as the real me, yes?

See ya’ll there…

Lynn – the soap-box goddess

The Wonders of Facebook

I know ya’ll are thinkin’ - ‘Is she the last person on Earth to discover Facebook?’ – probably.

It’s not that I’m tech-challenged (as a matter of fact, I’m a severe gadget freak!) is more that I always thought things like Facebook were a bit silly. Well, I have seen the error of my ways! Yes, I have been shown the Light.

When I moved overseas, I lost touch with nearly everyone I went to school with. Not anymore. I didn’t lose them, they were waiting for me like my loving family on Facebook.

When I lived in the South, I was always on the chat with my cousin Kim –then I moved overseas… Well – we chat nearly daily on Facebook. I was even tracked down by Stacey – one of my favourite Canadians!

Sweet baby James – My grandmother is on Facebook.

My local mates are there… Speaking of mates – It’s Saturday and I better run to Facebook and see what our plan is for the evening!

Now, if I could just get the world to discover SL with me… hehehe

Lovin Ya’ll

Lynn xx

View Full Album

I just wanna feel Real Love…

Sweet baby James! Let me tell you - *today* yes folks *today* I put myself in the hands of the sweet boy at Sony – and I am forever changed. I explained to him about the power of the Southern Hissyfit if I wasn’t happy, and he understood.

Do you get me here? He understood! I am so happy I could weep for joy. Seriously ya’ll, I think I feel a tear…

Lemme ‘splain. I need my music cocoon to be complete. I need Robbie and Natalie and Satch to sound perfect. And I am a *total* sound snob, so I mean puuuuurrrrfect. Perfect access to perfect sound is always a must, but lately with the living-room drama, I would go as far to say that it is freakin crucial.

So I told this boy… this sweet sweet boy, my troubles. He took me by the hand, explained all the ways one could achieve sound excellence and helped me. He looked in the face of a future hissyfit and felt no fear. He was proud, and he accepted the responsibility.

I am off to play in SL and play my music as loud as I want…

Lovin ya’ll from my soap-box xxxx

Yes, I am still alive.

Greetings loyal reader(s), I am still here, and absolutely full of tidy things to post. HOWEVER – the Mother-Unit has been visiting for the last week, so time to post has been a little thin on the ground… So if you need wisdom you will have to wait until later in the week.

Can I get a favour from the folks of Cardiff – Y’all puhleaaze stop wearin the bright spandex with high-heels and crap tops. You are just *killin* my momma. I have lived in the UK for years, so I am numb to the attack… please have mercy on my momma and let someone else dress you before you go outside? Just for a few days?

Love,

Lynn – missin her gilded soap-box just a bit

Waiting on the storm

As I sit here, in Wales, with my windows open trying to feel the storm breeze… I find that I get a little misty thinking of home. My actual home – in the Deep South.

I’m finding myself pretty reflective this Monday morning. I miss thunder and lightening. Folks are far too civilised in the UK to have a good thunder boomer.

And, you know that little thrill you get from the weather dude when it’s all breaking loose? I miss that too. I miss everyone sitting outside drinking cold beer and watchin the sky – wonderin’ if this is twister weather.

I miss ‘y’all’ and ‘them’. Loyalty that flows through the bone, no matter how many times you have pissed ‘them’ off.

It makes a great afternoon yanno… Gettin y’all to come over to hang with momma and them to have a cold beer and wait out the storm.

It might sound dire, but trust me – it’s actually pretty grand.

Lynn

All you need is love…

All together now…Nooooo all you really need is a laptop.

Or am I sounding a bit too cynical? Nahhh. Watch me pull out my visa and hit the ‘net runnin.

Let’s take today as a good example of laptop love. I found myself a little bit hung-over today and rather unwilling to shift. However, that didn’t stop me from being useful whilst sitting on my arse in post-beer recovery. No no no, I, dear reader(s), was productive! Check this little list out and feel free to be impressed:

I went grocery shopping, did some bill paying, sorted out my online dvd rentals, arranged for a redelivery from the postman, sent out invitations, kept up with my family, got pet insurance, AND learned all about Second Life whilst listening to my newest addiction – XM radio 80s on 8.

Amazin, huh? Even now, I’m watchin the 6 nations Rugby (Wales v Ireland), went to pizza hut online and got dinner delivered, listening to a mate whinge from home …

How you *evvvah* seen someone so productive whilst needing some couch time? I shit you not…

All together now – All we need are laptops, wa wa wawawa…Love the Beetles :-)

Pizza is here!

Must dash,

L xxxx

Oh my! I think I’m in love…

I am having this whole streamlined new laptop experience. I just got it today, and it really does do everything for me. It’s a little bit sexy, my little HP :-)

I need to run the dogs to the vet. I know in the way of posts, this is a rather shit one – but I just felt this overwhelming urge to share. Love is in the air…

Lynn

I have a junkie super power!

So, it works out that I'm single these days. No biggie. I think this peace is actually coming with age... just now, I am just so tickled to not have to share, I can't get in to the pain all the magazines say I'm supposed to be feeling. Oh what a pity. Heartless? Nooooo... factual, sugah.

I am really digging this 'my way all the time' thing. I eat and watch and leave exactly when I want to. I'm serious as a heart attack here- there is no foward planning. I don't 'run it past' big daddy in the next room.  I eat butternut squash whenever I want and my redbeans go much further...  It's pretty amazing, and I'm betting most chics don't get this. 

Ya wanna know what I did for two hours today? I watched catch up episodes of Grey's Anatomy on my pc. That's right. 

I sat on my arse, drank coffee, and achieved sweet f' all for two whole hours watchin McDreamy. No one nagged me... I think I've discovered a new super power.

I read a book while I ate my lunch. It was great company and I laughed like a loon over my tomato soup. 

I am relaxed... see? It's a super power. I really need to wear my knickers on the outside and learn to fly because this is just fab.

Now here is where some folks might call me a saddy... not so! I am pacing the floor drooling at the mouth waiting for my new laptop. I swear it's like someone promised me Shane Williams naked (thank YOU powerade!!!!). Nothing can touch me... I'm on the brink of new uber gadget power.

I am a junkie... a gadget junkie. Oh shit, I'm a gadget junkie with a super power...

Lynn - counting the hours and checking the city-link website every 10 minutes for a 'where's my package' update!

I'm diggin this brave new world...

Sometimes I am just floored by the awesome amount of truly cool and useless shit I find on the net. I mean, this is some *must have* shit. Stuff I am almost sure I can't live without... Lovely usefulness!

Today I got my Moo Mini cards in the post. They are completely useless and wonderful. They are small business cards with cool stuff on the back. I'm digging them, and I think everyone should have them. 

Then there is the pocketsufer 2r issue - should I have one? I keep debating... I haven't bought it yet, but it's broadband speed surfing in your pocket - That's a little bit uber, yes? 

As well as all that glory, there is my Benrik needs - Get laid, find God - AND my world changing diary's from them.  Here's the blurb from the 2008 one - I just loved having this in my handbag!

This Diary Will Change Your Life is back for 2008! Follow it this year, and you will get to interact with terrorists, traffic wardens, paedophiles and the Dalai Lama. This year's edition also features a red and yellow sticker, hand-attached by the nimble fingers of underage workers in the world's poorest regions. Peel it off after purchase to reveal a) your secret instructions and b) a stunning cover, full of unreadably small Swedish witticisms. It makes a Christmas present of taste, and is suitable for relatives and friends of all ages and IQ levels.

 This is what we all need :-)

The net is a world of Gaping Void cartoons, Moo minis, Join Me Collectives... And not to mention non stop visa abuse

Oh happy days!

Lynn - Off to purchase a Slanket - the very latest in Lazy chic technology

Is it too much to ask?

My needs are simple and clear, and as such, I think should be easy to meet. I don't require world peace, although it would be nice. I don't require a good cell phone plan - God knows I wouldn't know how to act with the extra money they rip off from me. I don't even require good petite jeans anymore - yes, at the age of 35 I am used to looking like shite or homeless when I relax. I don't require a man...but I do admit it's nice when a good one is around.

What *are* my needs (you ask)?

Simple.

Shoes that are comfy with a heel - so I can at least feel sexier than my 5 feet allow.

Moisturizing conditioner that *actually* freakin WORKS. I don't care about the cost

Tortilla chips that hold dip... and my dip I mean the full spread of guac, salsa, sour cream and peppers.

I require store made guac to be at least decent - I am LAZY and WHY can't I find good ready made guacamole?

I require my broadband to connect at least *near* the speed I pay for.

I require people to understand that just because I don't give a shit, doesn't mean I don't care.

See? This is just a simple sample of my simple needs...

So why, WHY, must life be such a struggle? I don't even really mind when I'm broke... but I give a MAJOR shit about having a comfortable bra that gives me awesome boobs - I don't want to hurt. Bra that hurts is not sexy.

Can someone please direct the requirement fairy to my house?

Love,

Lynn - who would KILL for there to be ONE Mexican restaurant in the UK - ONE! I would travel, and I would be grateful.

Yes, yes... I know!!!!!!!!!!! Damn!

I know folks get used to me doing the constant blog thing... but damn y'all! Sometimes life likes to make a real effort at kicking me in the teeth. So you know what happens then...

I get mean, have a cold beer, and a deep think :-).Well now I have completed my uber life dodging process, and I am back! Miss me dear reader(s)?

Currently, there is a possibility that I just might be single. I am unsure... if you have had a beer with me at all in the past two weeks, you will be well aware of this little development. However, in the middle of it all I have become a bit of a  roar chick... you know, I am woman, yadda yadda. What this means for me?

I bought matching knickers, got my eyebrows plucked and made the awesome purchase of purple eyeglasses. 

Am I sick? Nooooooo...... Maybe I'm just changing direction? Either way, I'm strangely calm, and that's a bit scary .

Other news - the shit head neighbor has now moved. He took his crack whore girl friend with him, I am pleased to say. So, as of Sunday we are no longer subjected to their shit taste in music and her pathetic attempts at a blonde dye job (roots you silly bitch!!!). You may have worked out that she irritates me. She did, and now she doesn't, because she's gone to spread her nasty roots and chav lifestyle to some other hurting part of Wales... Can I get an Amen?

Even more news! Ahh... tune in later for the real thing...!!!!

Love,

Lynn (enjoying getting back on the soap box)

There's just not enough love in the world...

Ahhh, what a good song. It's been in my head all afternoon :-)

I think people need to lower their expectations or be prepared to go through life a teensy bit disappointed. 

I shall explain more later, dear reader(s).

Newport Fail!

After I was through laughing my ass off... I found I was a little disgusted. I had to dodge the two teenagers with baby buggys to get this picture...How wrong is this? I'm off to share this photo with the fail blog, however, I need my loyal reader(s) to think about this.  Is this social awareness for 2009? Or is this just freakin funny in a sad sad way?

On my last nerve...I am so confused!!!

People piss me right off. I mean, really and truly irritate the shit out of me. I think sometimes I would be happier if I was on an island, by myself, surrounded with books. 

Take my neighbor - please :-). He doesn't give a shit that his music blares through my walls... he just does it. The good news is that he is moving - I'm counting the days. But seriously, wasn't he raised better than that? Is he actually a piece of shit? I know he's young and I want to believe that he's not a waste of a human being, but in my heart I feel that he just might be.

I really don't like people.

And then...

Yesterday, and I shit you not, a complete stranger in a sandwich shop was joking with me about the busted ATM next door... and she gave me 20 quid to pay the butcher and run down the road to the next ATM. I didn't ask her for it, she just declared that I needed it. I still don't know her name. I quickly went to the ATM and gave her 20 quid return, and I bought her flowers. She seemed really shocked that I would buy her flowers. 

I really don't like people - but then every once in a while I find a person who is worth knowing.

BTW, if that crappy kid neighbor of mine had decent taste in music, I might feel more forgiving. As it is, he listens to that 'duff duff' shite, and I can hear it thumping as I write this post.

I may need to shop - I have to find recovery... I think I might need a g&t...

Gin and shoes... Yes, that's my path to recovery.

See ya later!

Lxxx

Rugby love... Mmmm mmm Shane

Powerade, anyone? I don't drink that crap as a rule... but if it offers a pc excuse to see Shane Williams (Wales winger) naked, then I'll support it. Or, I should say, I will support it until they change the ad campagne!

Now, why can't American football be this way? There is no way I find a bunch of padded numpties runnin' around and stoppin' every few seconds NEARLY as sexy and as fast paced as a good rugby game. No pads, no stoppin'... and would you just *look* at what some of these players are hiding under the uniform?

Shane is next in action on 14, Feb - Wales v England. What a benny... can watch all that sexiness run around and kick the shit outta England...

Riding a bus...I think I have a new source of joy.

Let me start with the bullshitting you phase of the program...

I ride the bus because it's a greener method of transportation and I enjoy doing my bit to save the planet!

Bullshit phase over. Reality phase starts...

I ride the bus because it's cheap and easy and I don't like driving on the wrong side of the road. Sure I drive - I just don't like it. I enjoy my 5 minute walk to the bus station and more than anything I am starting to really enjoy listening to people on the bus. It's a mad-house on wheels. It's life jammed in to a rolling box. I adore it. I missed my stop the other day just so I could finish listening to the convo behind me. 

Making my way home last night was fab... I learned that evil lives across the bridge in England. I learned that you never know 'who's about' after dark' there, and that if your past the age of 80 the bus driver doesn't care if you have your ticket or not. Great ain't it? In the whole few weeks I have been in Wales, I never realised how lucky I was to have safely crossed the Severn bridge...

I discovered the other morning (whilst listening in) that to get anything done right in this world, you can't ask a man. I also learned that as long as your boyfriend says he's sorry and buys you a pressie, it's ok if he shags your mates. I learned that you should never piss off the blonde who is cutting  your hair downtown...

I found out that Judith (whom I don't know but I hope rides the bus one day with me!) is not nervous at all, despite the fact she is 85. She doesn't even keep her key in her pocket and she even crosses the bridge to Bristol to shop sometimes...

I think that I may have tapped in to a new line of wisdom and insight... you may expect more of this from my travels via bus to Cwmbran! 

Stay tuned...

Lxx 

Oh sweet Jesus...

It would appear that I can blog while 'on the go'. What does this mean for you and I? It means there is a very real chance my filter (the one between my brain and my fingers) may be comprised...

It means that I now have the power to shoot off and dispense wisdom when ever and where ever...

 

Oh this is a serious super power I have discovered... Indeed, I think my kung-fu is strong.

 

Lxx - posting from the mobile soap-box!!!

Testing mobile blogging...

Testing testing 1 2 3. A we ready to rock?

I just don't know ...

...What it is about folks. They need to 'big' themselves up to everyone. Do some folks think they suck so badly that no one will actually like the real person inside? Is this an indictment of society at large? Should I be ashamed to let the world know that I make less than a Macdonalds fry cook even tho I have a wonderful degree? What is it about people?

We work to have them in our lives, but we slam who ever leaves the room first. We are quick to pass judgment out loud, and then proceed to lie about ourselves. 

I honestly don't think there is a cure for this. All we can do is become aware and maybe do a little bit of forced therapy.

I have an idea - let's all take a page from that annoying facebook thing floating around (25 facts about me - bullshit I'm sure). Forget the 25 facts and self bigging...  Next time your in conversation make a point to be completely honest on just one thing about yourself. We can't handle 25 things... the world isn't ready and a fair bit of what we put out there is simply gilded bullshit for the masses in any case.

Your wife loves you - your dog thinks your lovely. The boss will always think you work slower than you are actually doing. Your mom loves you no matter what...

So let's try this - let's be honest. Just once, for one brief statement. 

I'll start - 'I would rather have another beer than sit here and chat. I have gas and I need to be alone for 5 minutes before I enter the pain stage....'

See?

Love,

Lxxxx

Feeling the urge to post now...

...Because Wales is playing Scotland today in the Rugby Six nations. This means I'll be at Keith and Sarah's house with a full crew of mates and booze on hand. See, this is what drinking responsibly is. It's knowing in advance that you are likely to be tore-out-the-frame and therefore unable to post or even think later. So I gather my wisdom in advance of this meeting of the mates... and I share it with the world. Yes, I am still convinced there is at least one person out there reading my posts and enjoying the wisdom I deliver.

Today I feel an urge to purge about grocery store snobbery. 

Do you shop at Teso's but act as if you shop at Waitrose? Who out there claims Bruno's over Walmart? Are you ever a little embarrassed to be witnessed by the bogof (by one get one free) shelf? Do you secretly buy cheap toilet paper with some sort of embossing on it because it makes it look like the good stuff?

Do you quietly judge your mates when you find they have that scratchy loo-roll thing going on in their bathroom?

Don't deny it. You know you do. All of us fit in there somewhere to some degree.

I'm going to leave that little home-truth observation with you for a while, and I expect you to think on it. 

When next I find myself sober and unhungover, I shall continue...

Lxx

Seeing Through and Dealing with Bullshit

I'm not gonna sugar coat this one, folks. It's a toughie. Bullshiting is a fine art often used in unworthy causes... The trick is to develop your own powers of bullshit for the power of good, and develop your own bullshit sensor in the process. There are few things in life as important as a grand and fully working bullshit sensor.

One of the most unworthy causes you can ever see bullshit used in is the 'third party viewing' bullshit. It goes a little like this:
'I hate you, I have moved on, I never want to see you again, I'm better than you....' Yet every time you turn around this person is in your road waiting to be 'seen' by you.
Get it? Bullshit.
There are so many variations on this theme, and it can involve everything from Facebook and Blogger to the local Winn Dixie that you just KNOW is 18 miles out of his/her way to shop...

Another run of bullshit to be aware of is the 'drunken argument crisis aversion bullshit'. This is the one where you are determined to hash it out, but the person your arguing in just gives in way to quick in order to shut you up... Then you wake up in the morning believing all is well. Is it hell - it's bullshit. They wait on you like a spider and every declaration from the night before is void. This can be deep and painful bullshit when coupled with a royal hangover.

There are good lines of carefully crafted bullshit that can be used for good... An example: 'I think your hair looks fabulous and that dress looks great on you'. When said on the wedding day of a chick trussed up like a neon cow, it's good bullshit. No need to cause pain in a high moment.

I have to tell you, the bullshit that annoys me the most is the 'religious crutch bullshit'. This is the one were someone can be the biggest lying sack of shit on earth, but because they go to church every Sunday and insert 'God' and 'Jesus' in to every other sentence, then they *must* be OK. A person can be the slimiest liar and holier than thou shite-bucket... but if they make Wednesday night prayer meeting and have a blog about soul mates, marriage Monday, and bible verses with their wife - then they are clearly pillars of the community.
I declare that to be bullshit of the worst kind. Beware... fine tune your bullshit sensors. When yo you encounter this sort of bullshit you MUST make sure your give-a-shit stays busted while your fuck-off is in fine working order.

That's all from the gilded soap-box today...
Lxx
ps. stay tuned - my next rant is very likely to be on the subject of the fake and the pretentious

I quit smoking ... I think?

At the beginning of the year, I got an awesome chest cold. It worked it's way in to a chest infection and it's taking ages to clear out. One of the things I hate is smoking when I'm chesty. So I didn't smoke while I was sick...

And I'm still chesty. It's like 3 weeks later and I'm feelin better, but I'm still chesty. And I haven't smoked. For three weeks. I didn't even miss it. I rarely even thought about it. I used no patches or anything. I just stopped. 

Now, it seems like my family is on my last nerve. I know they don't mean it... but perhaps it's also because I'm not smoking???? Now I'm trying really hard not to smoke - still haven't had one, but now I think about it. Life is not fair... how can I accidentally quit smoking for three weeks and then suddenly have a problem really quitting? 

I'm short and angry... I can do this.  The scary side of this is that my filter is completely gone. I don't like the shit bag that plays his music with that crappy bass too loud.  Before I would take it in aggravated silence, but now I proudly march over in my bathrobe at 11pm and knock on his windows. Awesome. 

I was already a mouthy and opinionated goddess, and now without the cigs it seems that I am set free. 

Watch out world - my mega opinions are coming and I don't care if your on your way to church or not!!!

Yeehaw,

Lynn - preaching from her precious solid gold soap-box

Long time no Blog!

Sorry about that - I know many of you have gone without crucial advice and gossip...

Well, right after my last blog I got a little sicker and I ended up having surgery (on my birthday! bleh!!!!)

Then I had the good grace to recover slowly and after that I uprooted my family to Wales.

Short answer here is - I am better, I live in Wales now and I'm back on form! Yay!