Things I didn’t want to know

But I found out anyway… Or rather perhaps I found out because I wanted to, and I never knew I didn’t want to know until I looked.

I’ve just reread that sentence a few times, and I was sorely tempted to hit the delete button. The urge was strong… But I’ve decided to let it stand, and carry on. As one does… as one does.

I’m living in a world of restless nights, and restless thoughts. Priorities shift at a moments notice, and my own tolerance level sinks rather alarmingly at times. I’m having to rely heavily on my Southern Upbringing to see me through this… and to give me the ability to fake it with a smile when I would rather issue a nicely timed slap.

I’m stronger than I thought I was.. So that was rather a relief to find out. Shocking really, but there it is and there you have it. Just now I am reading strength in the bouts of numbness and sheer feral defending that must be done. Part of me rings the alert bell at the numbness… But I reckon I’ll deal with that fall out when I have the time.

Right now, I don’t have the time. Peter might be dying…Surely he’s struggling to live. I’ve only got it in me at the moment to deal in that direction. If a hand reaches out to keep me from toppling over while this happens, I’ll kiss it with gratitude, and add it to the list of things I must remember later. So many things to remember later… Lists are the glue that keeps me together.

I hate Septembers.

Loving things with names who escape me ..,and as always from the soap-box (off-piste tho it may be)

Lxx