My Gilded Soap-Box

Moved to new domain - www.gilded-soapbox.com

2010-09-18T16:27:00.001+01:00

Hi all ... I've got my own domain now.

You'll find my blog now at - www.gilded-soapbox.com

I have no plans to suddenly stop babbling.... So hop over to the new address and keep reading!

www.gilded-soapbox.com

Lxx

It happens. Somewhat.

2010-09-11T23:20:00.001+01:00

Shit happens. Good things happen. Wine happens. Hell, I happened. Or I’m happening, right now, in this place. You feel me too… I’m fading, and sometime I feel nearly used up, but I’m here. Happening.

Wow, two blogs in one day. Someone should run and alert the media. I said that I would try to blog more, but this reeks of self love a little. And why not. If you can’t love yourself, who can, eh?

I’m in one of those positions where I have no one to turn to but myself. Stress of the week is finally catching me. I’ve had compliments about how well ‘I’m holding’ and ‘Oh Lynn, you are looking solid through this’. I’m not as solid as I look, and now I am franticly clutching the bottle by the neck with a white knuckled strangle hold.

He’s trying to live now.. in stead of dying. It’s touch and go, but it’s there. Now I can fold a little… I can breathe. Who do I talk to? Or fuck it, do I just fold alone with that bottle of red that is more dependable than any thing at this moment?

I fucking strongly dislike Septembers. Next year I’m take a holiday to a place far far away… Warm breezes, good food, drinks with stupid umbrellas in. I’ll change my name, wear sunglasses and look mysterious. I gotta out dance it, before it catches me.

I’ve discovered that yard work and house work don’t cut it. They look nice, but the train is still running through my head. If I just knew where to turn, I would do it.

Or maybe it’s just the bottle and the tunes. Fuck knows I’m probably shit company right now anyway.

Too self absorbed to love beyond the obvious candidates…from the soap-box

Castles made of sand…

2010-09-11T10:38:00.001+01:00

Or wishes, or fears, or just good old garden variety stress. Fear makes a pretty good foundation for a sturdy castle, and stress can keep the walls thick and strong. Wishes are the things that can only decorate a single room…There’s rarely any space to make a castle of what it needs to be made of. Sand. Truth. Life.

Life is so fluid, so fragile, so ever changing. It’s so easy to knock down, and if one can be smart enough to outrun fear, it can be picked up and recreated. A new castle can be made up the beach, further from the tide. You can change the look, add a few shells… Or you can ride close to the water, raise your face to the sun and know your castle is not safe, and that nothing is. But gosh, isn’t it beautiful the way you can see the clouds go by in the reflection of those puddles of water.

Castles made of fear have no windows… only halls long enough for pacing back and forth. Castles made of stress have no doors… no way out. Wishes are the carefully hidden safe rooms. If you can find it, perhaps you can remember for a moment that life is actually made of sand.

I’ve spent the last little while making my castles out of everything I could find… Bits of junk laying around, cobbled together by stress, occasionally finding room to create a wing supported by fear.

Now, I’m not sure where I’ll build my new castle. Just now I’m sitting in the tide, staring at the coast. The water is lapping over legs, and I’m having a cup of coffee as I consider the vista. The sand here is very nice and feels good under the fingers. I’m not in any great hurry. There’s a bit of freedom this. Close to the edge, or further up the beach…

I’m breathing now. Finally.

And if you don’t mind, I’ll just stay here a while.

Loving love, and the feeling of love and being loved, and the strength found in love…. As always, from the soap-box

Things I didn’t want to know

2010-09-07T15:22:00.001+01:00

But I found out anyway… Or rather perhaps I found out because I wanted to, and I never knew I didn’t want to know until I looked.

I’ve just reread that sentence a few times, and I was sorely tempted to hit the delete button. The urge was strong… But I’ve decided to let it stand, and carry on. As one does… as one does.

I’m living in a world of restless nights, and restless thoughts. Priorities shift at a moments notice, and my own tolerance level sinks rather alarmingly at times. I’m having to rely heavily on my Southern Upbringing to see me through this… and to give me the ability to fake it with a smile when I would rather issue a nicely timed slap.

I’m stronger than I thought I was.. So that was rather a relief to find out. Shocking really, but there it is and there you have it. Just now I am reading strength in the bouts of numbness and sheer feral defending that must be done. Part of me rings the alert bell at the numbness… But I reckon I’ll deal with that fall out when I have the time.

Right now, I don’t have the time. Peter might be dying…Surely he’s struggling to live. I’ve only got it in me at the moment to deal in that direction. If a hand reaches out to keep me from toppling over while this happens, I’ll kiss it with gratitude, and add it to the list of things I must remember later. So many things to remember later… Lists are the glue that keeps me together.

I hate Septembers.

Loving things with names who escape me ..,and as always from the soap-box (off-piste tho it may be)

Lxx

Life experience teaches one..

2010-08-28T06:57:00.004+01:00

That one should never blog after one has imbibed (what a fucking stonking word) three bottles of wine with a friend...(oh ok. Yes, he's a lover, but for matters of interest here, we shall stop with the ever obvious 'mate').

Let's begin with the Stereophonics and work our way outwards to the seven deadly sins... Or rather the 'Seven deadly Zins'. As you do, as you do.

I could also be absolutely honest here, and admit that I will most likely forget my path as I begun, and just end with a ramble that has nothing to do with the beginning...

Now, what I would like to cover today is that last bottle of wine. You know the one. The one just after 'I think I'm drunk enough, but fuck it, let's have one more'. Yes, you might have guessed it...I'm there just now. I'll probably regret this blog in the morning... at least that's what I'll tell my mum (sod you, I live in the UK).

I'm grooving, and I'm singing.. I'm happy, and I'm laughing. I'm struggling with a bit of 'Southern Baptist Guilt' as I cover it, but I think I'm coping well. What I want to know is.. when does one shut up? I mean, seriously... I have a world of questions, ready to be pelted.. .right on the tip of my tongue. The fact I can write this post with the words all spelled right means that I might be in a dangerous place.... "Do you love me? Do I love you? Do you agree that bacon sandwiches are something next to religion when it comes to magnificence? And really... if he loves me, if I love him.. it's really the bacon that speaks the loudest here. Gawd, they are lovely. Or rather, it's lovely... oh sod it.

I shall end this rather pointless rant that, I'm sure, you'll find was filled wisdom... with "There's more life in a tramps vest" or some such. But then you would think "She's sloshed and listening to the 'Sterophonics' again....

And you would be right.

Fair enough. Gonna go see if I can make some mischief now, or at least (the very least) finish off that last bottle of wine.

Love you all (not really. I'm sloshed. I love most of you.. but that's a lie too. I think I love some of you.. but mostly when sober. Sod that. I love like four of you. Yeah, that's it.. like four.)

From the soap box..

C'est moi (tis I!!!)

Winding Roads

2010-08-07T18:22:00.001+01:00

I'm fully aware that I have not blogged for a while. I've probably lost the one fan I had... ( just kidding. I'm sure I had like 5 fans... I rock!)

The thing is... One needs to feel it. Well, it wasn't lack of feeling. It was more the "I'm in a new relationship and you may all sod off". But it does sound much better when I go high brow and loftily declare "one must feel the words".

Erm. No. One must feel the perfect cigar that's been lined up with excellent midnight convos and a bit of Navan... Oh dear, I digressed. Anywho, the words come when they come, and sometimes they are best unshared. Judgement call? Fearing 'Sods law'?

Just at the moment I am doing the "in Napa Valley Being a Tourist, and crowbaring in Romance" thing... Bloody brilliant good fun, but it's the winding roads and simple moments that find and hold me. It's sitting in the floor of the St. Helena library, reading Philip Sidney... It's sitting on a random wall in San Francisco, smoking a fine cigar, and meeting the locals. It's sneaking down a corridor in a winery... For no other reason than the fact the door was unlocked. It's sitting on a porch in Sacramento, badly pouring vinho verde, while discussing the world...

Being a tourist is fun... Experiencing life is better. Doing this with someone who gets you? Bloody priceless. ( no, MasterCard did not pay me to say that)

Try it, y'all. Slow down and do something...different.

Lovin' y'all ( some of y'all anyway) from the soapbox,
L xx

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

I have joined the revolution…

2010-06-05T14:22:00.001+01:00

At least I think I have. Or maybe it’s not a revolution. Perhaps it’s just ‘twitter’. I mean, I thought I was awesomely progressive when I launched my self in to ‘Facebook’, willy nilly… But could it be that I was just priming my self up for something as uber hip as ‘twitter’?

How is it that I find the most mundane utterances of my friends and family to be interesting? “Am having soup" “It’s the dogs birthday” “I slept badly” “Cold beer is lovely”. And, the funnier part, is I do it too. Here’s my last update : “Sunshine again! Oh how the gods *do* spoil us mere mortals... Just found a pastrami source in Salisbury. Good times!”…

And yes, I expect someone found it interesting. I mean, folks commented on it, so we shall bill that as a win.

Now? I have joined twitter. I shit you not, I have already ‘tweeted’ twice… read my latest “Wonders who snores the loudest.... Alan or the dog”. Now, I expect someone found that worthy… and the amazing fact is, it was fun to do.

So yes, I’m out there. I tweet.

I also drink cold beer, say badwords, drive too fast, and sing along.

I’m sure if we all work together we can cope!

Lovin' y’all from the soapbox,

Lxx

Seth Lakeman live in Sheffield

2010-04-18T21:41:00.003+01:00

This was an awesome gig... the man is a god among mere mortals with that fiddle. This is a bit of him playin' 'The Riflemen of War'. Bloody brilliant!

For the love of Angry Farmer…

2010-04-09T19:48:00.002+01:00

Yes, I did not say ‘The Angry Farmer’… Simply ‘Angry Farmer’ for that is his name. Let it be said with quiet awe… Angry Farmer is real.

His irritation was complete, his ability to box up his anger in to strictly controlled subject matter… His ready smile as he dangled the prize of ‘who wants to feed my lamb’ right on the heels of his rage of ‘I can’t believe you landed your hot air balloon in my godamn airfield…’ was an intense showing. I swear I had to look twice because I felt that we had bonded, that perhaps we had already loved and divorced in this life. It was beautiful. Even as they served champagne later and I studied the ranting farmer… my very own Angry Farmer, through the haze of a booze induced stupor… It occurred to me that I was even watching a passive aggressive artist at work.

It was love, I tell you… sweet love. My eyes followed him hungry as he paced and ranted, and then I looked on adoringly as he appeared cool and collected…

“Let’s feed the lambs” Angry Farmer said.

“Yes, let’s” I replied… following him blindly even as my tortured heart screamed “I will follow you anywhere, Angry Farmer.”

It was real, our love. For a moment we passed through each others lives… My own Angry Farmer.

I swear, I nearly called him Baby….

‘Huzzah!’ I say for the human condition…

Love,

Lynn – lovin’ Angry Farmer from her soap-box

A midnight rescue we were called upon…

2010-04-05T14:21:00.002+01:00

People make me laugh. I mean, they actually bring forth the *very* unladylike ‘guffaw’. As I often enjoy being unladylike, this is a happy state of affairs for me. I must ask though, loyal reader(s)… Don’t tell my Mimi. She’s under the misguided impression that I have tea with the Queen most days. I don’t.

Only on Tuesdays and Fridays.

I digress.

I’ve always been a people watcher. This is something of a sport for me… and surely there comes the point when you’ve talked about enough of them you get afraid to join the crowd. The ‘watcher’ becoming the ‘watchee’ takes a bit of guts, but when your own sense of humour is intact, that can be fun too.

There was a time I would do this in the local cafe (still do, fyi… That’s right, Salisbury, I am soooo looking at those white shoes you wore after Labor Day… For shame!!!). Now, thanks to the ‘tintaweb’ I can do it at will… sort of goddess-like with the press of of an ‘on button’. It’s like having a brilliant super-power. There’s none so entertaining as a virtual world full of entertaining people. Some are straight arse-hats… some are so fake that the effort is hilarious. Other’s are so down right basic about who they are that the reality of it all is interesting…. The lies, the drama, the laughter and the tears. They all serve well for the great stage of the human condition. It’s like we are all in a study for the gods while we trip along in this virtual world. And I say ‘huzzah!’… let it never change!

Years ago, at 2am, when you (and by ‘you’, read ‘me’ or take it a step further and correct the English and read ‘I’) could not sleep, there was nothing for it. Bit of TV, staring at the walls… But now! Oh sweet baby james. I can log in to a world of … well… anything.

Yes, just knowing that one can is enough to make you want to wear your knicks on the outside and name yourself 'Uber Woman’ or ‘Wonder Chic’ and run around outside making airplane noises… Oh wait. That’s probably only me. Ach well.

Every once in a while a tiny voice breaks through, and stands out. Another people watcher, just like you…Perhaps we should think of ourselves as a subculture of super hero’s. No wait, let’s be really exciting and think right outside of the virtual box.

Oh shit, we are human.

Imagine that?

Lovin’ y’all… (well most of y’all… Not even that, really. But for *sure* some of y’all)

Lx – starin’ at the gods from the soap-box

My Goodness… can you believe it?

2010-03-09T23:23:00.002Z

Well it’s been ages since I’ve written a thing here! Since Jan, if the dates can be believed… and I am sure they can be, as I think my pc drinks far less than I do. Call me simple, but that’s just an assumption.

Now, we can take all this silence to believe one of two things… either a whole bunch of bad has gone down, or a mighty pile of good has gone on. Or maybe we can add a third option and head for a healthy mix of both? Hmm… A mix. Mostly good, I think, but iwtih a few fun stressy bits just to keep it real.

First off, I was in Louisiana visiting the fam for most of Jan. That was awesome good fun and everyone was brilliant. It was fantastic to be home for sure. I was nearly too spoiled on good weather to make it back to the UK with any kind of grace…

Then there was the month of Feb. Oh lawds… well, to begin with I bought in to a hefty line of bullshit. Yes’m, at my age too. It would appear that you are never told old to believe a good line of bs. I mean sure, it rocked the boat for a little while, but in the end, it’s always best to discover what smells. He did. Now, he’s gone. Simple, darlin’s!

Once I wiped that mess off my hands, I got another fun project off the ground. Now, I’m a firm believer in not tipping a hand, so I will keep these cards close to my chest until the project gets exciting. But oh, my, I am bustin’ to share. I’ll be sharing soon…I am just pathetic at keeping good gossip to myself!

Now, today’s lesson, kids… Always be prepared to discover bullshit. Remember, when you do, to keep your makeup in place and your shoes on. You need to face it down, and look good while doing it. It’s important… because even if your pride takes a hit, you can look fabulous and play it off like it doesn’t sting. Fake it until it’s real… and when it’s real (and it will be shortly, I can promise you) make sure you laugh. Make it a sultry laugh… those are the best kind.

Remember to kiss and tell… or at least lie about it over a cold beer while you make fun of him among friends….

Love,

Lynn – feelin’ groovy from the soap-box.

All my bags are packed…

2010-01-04T19:13:00.002Z

And I’m ready to go! Yass’m… I’m on my way in a few short days. I’ll be in the land of cold beer and seafood. I’ll be having far too many fried foods, and loving it as my arteries harden… (yeah, yeah, I know – sick humour, but fuckyas, it’s my blog. If it helps, I’m listening to Josh Groban to class it up a bit.)

I’ll be leaving the land of ‘God Save the Queen’ and heading for the land of ‘Laissez les bon temps roulez’. Hmm… another corny comparison for ya – Leaving ice for sodding sunshine. That’s right, you read what you thought you read. I said ‘sodding’. That’s how we roll in Wilts….

It’s been a hell of a year, 2009, and I am for one, happy to bring in 2010 surrounded by my friends and family. This year has to be better than the last one. I’ve picked up all my pieces, and most of me can be found if you look hard enough, so it’s time folks!

You have my permission to miss me terribly and thnk of me often… Oh, and get jealous as hell all you British mates. It rocks in Louisiana this time of year. It’s cold as dammit in the UK. Kiss my ass, I’ll bring you a ‘fridge magnet.

Grinnin’ from the soap-box

Lxx

The Ghost in the Machinery….

2009-12-08T16:49:00.002Z

Ach. Well, I guess just when one is sure one knows a thing, your own true nature slaps you back in to focus.

I swore over and over again I was fine. I stood tall, and I took the rain. Matter of fact, not a lot can be seen different in me between then and now. But I am. I went down hard, and stayed down, it seems. I’ve ignored all, and crawled in to me…

And now? I looked out of my cave today. I saw the sun for the few short minutes it shared itself in the UK. I loved every second of it. Until today, I only shared me with the Moon…because it’s dark, and safe, and something you can do alone. When you are busy dancing as fast as you can, the Moon is your surest friend.

But today? I saw more, and I wanted more, and I became. I never realised I had tucked in to me until I woke up.

For my friends and family who some how knew it and gave me the space to deal, and the quiet acceptance to heal… I love you for it. I never saw the protective bubble I was in until I decided to leave it for a few minutes. It’s bloody brilliant out there folks.

And so I say leave, and let me go. I’ve loved and lost, and now it seems I am ready to play again. I’ll be tying up my shoes and joinin’ y’all in the playground a little more often.

You know… The Portuguese word “tanto” is a forever kind of word. There is nothing bigger than tanto…and for me, it covers a multitude of things. I’ll be dancing and laughing. See you all there.

Lynn – smiling now, a real smile… from the soap-box.

Cruising with the top down…

2009-10-27T17:24:00.002Z

Yea, I know you all think I am full of shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I live in the UK and the weather blows.

HOWEVER, that said, I was brave. I met the world head on… I shouted at the top of my lungs “Damn the consequences!” and I drove with the top down. It was 4 glorious minutes of hair whipping in the wind and my lips turning blue. But you know? I was there… Oh yeah. I connected.

I left a little shaky … sang thru the tears and ended with a laugh. I refused all phone calls, and drove far too fast. I sad bad words that no one heard but me. I even went completely off the reservation and ate a McDonalds hamburger… that I am still paying for, heath wise.

Days of music, nights of laughter. I returned a new woman. Well, newish. Ok ok… to keep the dramatic bullshit down to a low scream… I am actually the same woman, but I came back relaxed. That’s gotta be something like an improvement, yeah?

The point is… I’m smiling. I faked it until it became real… and damn it, I’m digging this. I don’t care that it makes no sense at all.

Love,

Lynn – raising her glass from the soap-box.

Burn me up inside…nice and slow.

2009-10-07T21:57:00.002+01:00

“I think that I would miss you.. even if I never met you”. (Adrianne)

“Fuck peace… fight for your happiness” (Lynn)

This is an awesome statement. When something seem so big you can’t see past the edge of it, and you spend your days trying to make head or tails of it… that statement really seems to fit. Oh believe me, there is always an edge to it..

Just sometimes, that fookin edge is so damn hard to see. Right now… it’s like some evil bastard tied a blindfold around my eyes, spun me three times fast and set me off to find it. I know it’s out there and my arms are out wide to find it, but will I be lucky enough to bump it.

I don’t need to make sense, dammit, nothing needs to make sense. The whole world can go to hell and back, and I would still like to smile and laugh at my own stupid jokes. If you love me, you’ll laugh too, even if the joke isn’t funny… because love doesn’t make sense. Doesn’t need to. I don’t want it to. Neither should you.

I’ll take it all off. I’ll stand here naked and judged. I don’t care… I never have cared. The other opinions don’t filter… Fuck peace. Fight for more. I’ll do what it takes… and everyone who knows me, knows that. All I can do for the whole world as stand exposed and hold my hand out and hope a few of you are brave enough to take my hand and accept the fact… the ever so profound fact…

That peace is over rated.

Rip off the blind fold, get your bearings, find the edge… and jump.

Figure it out, before you fall apart.

Lynn…

Loving some serious me time on the soap-box.

Blogging on the run...

2009-09-21T11:26:00.002+01:00

Ohhh, how can one feel so modern and retro at the same time? I'll tell you...I just managed to put 'band on the run' in my head with the title of this blog.
I am feeling uniquely blesses that I can share this iPhone mobile blogging moment with Paul Mcartny and 'Wings'.

Beautiful.

L xxx
Singing on the soap box

-- Posted from my iPhone

Lovin, life, and that Jimmy Carter smile

2009-09-20T00:17:00.002+01:00

Hey, they say you should never blog when your on a bit of a booza… so I hope everyone pays attention to this as I might embarrass myself too much to ever let the wine speak again!

You know, as a piece of wisdom that we should all keep – My Mimi says ‘You spend all your life learning, and when you finally learn enough, you die’. These are some pretty true words. We spend our lives always reaching, learning even if we don’t notice that we are picking up the things we learn.

Some of us get to learn only a few things, then it’s time to go. We all know someone who had to leave before the learning was done… but you know, they are still teaching us even when they are gone.

Tonight, I am thinking on the things I have learned from one who left me years ago… but his Jimmy Carter smile teaches me still. 15 years after he is gone, and he still teaches me how to have laughter thru tears as I remember him. He teaches me that love never fades, and can continue to grow. He shows me that I can take a soul destroying loss and pick myself up from the floor and see the world eye to eye. He gives me perspective, the memory of his laughter brings me peace.

Most of all, when the world gets too much, I know I can stop just for a minute and think of that damn toothy Jimmy Carter smile just before he throws his glasses in to the fan… and the memory gives me a laugh, makes my heart beat stronger, shows the love, and reminds me that I have strength.

Love,
Lynn – having a glass of wine on her soap box

Time to slow… time to speed up… time to have a cold beer…

2009-09-06T19:15:00.002+01:00

And time to make time to reflect. It occurs to me as I move house and start yet one more new chapter in my life, that there are many things in my world that run at different speeds. There are things that I hold very close that I wish to run at ‘warp speed’… and there are few things that I wish would slow ‘the fuck’ down.

An example of what I would like to see slowing… My boy. He’s nearly 17 and he’s itching at the post to get out of the house. I mean it, there are teeth marks on the door way where he has tried to chew his way free. I can understand his need for freedom, but dammit, who will take out the trash when he’s gone? I know, I know.. it’s the little things.

No, seriously, he’s always been my baby, and now I am starting to see him struggle to be a man – and I wish this whole process would slow down.

Thank god Chot is in charge…Or I don’t know where we would be. She seems to be speeding up too, but at a nice slow pace thus far, so it’s dealable at the current time. She keeps Seth and I in line and reminds us to eat regularly.

A thing I would like to see sped up… well, I am not at liberty to go in to ‘detailus extremus’ (yall didn’t know I knew some fake ass latin did ya…) but let’s suffice it to say that Luis knows what I mean, and that’s enough for now.

Another speed demon act that would be nice… is if the ‘house unpacking fairy’ would just whiz in here and make this shit all sorted, quickly. That would be grand. While she’s at it and up, she can get me a cup coffee (sensuous .. since you was up..).

Faster meals, slower beers… longer showers, shorter distance. Longer time, slower time, faster smiles, slower goodbyes. Longer passion… longer kisses… quicker dishes, lazy sunshine.

I’m sure my neighbours will enjoy the fact that an absolute foookin nutter has moved in…

Hooty hooty hooty (had to be done, cousin dear… had to be done)

Lovin y’all from the soap-box

Lxxx

So, how is it gonna be?

2009-08-10T14:09:00.002+01:00

Well, I’ll tell you how it’s gonna be….

It’s gonna be life, and love… it will be bravery and will power. It’s gonna be the wonder of a brand new world, and the power to put that foot forward and fear nothing.

Oh, my, I can tell you how it’s gonna be. Take that beer, pull up a chair, let me tell you how it’s gonna be.

It’s gonna be nights of passion and days of laughter. It’s gonna be taking our shoes off and feeling the sand between our toes. It’s gonna be whispers of love in the dark and demands for rudeness in the light. It’s gonna be sunshine thru the trees and snuggling away from the cold. It’s cheating at Monopoly and sharing the remote. This is what it’s gonna be… I’ll tell you how it’s gonna be and more…

It’s gonna be held with two hands. It’s gonna be seen with wonder and eyes so wide. It’s gonna be a low whispered pleading that’s met with the pride of love.

If you’ll just look at me, believe me when I speak, I’ll tell you how it’s gonna be. It’s gonna be what you need, and you are gonna take what I give. I’m gonna crawl, I’m gonna walk with pride, I’m gonna sit next to you in silence… You will take all this and more, because it’s yours and that’s how it’s gonna be.

I’m a bossy wee bitch… And it’s too late, the bitch fell…

That’s how it’s gonna be.

Speaking softly from the soap-box

You’ll be famous as you are… Once again I cannot sleep…

2009-05-21T00:50:00.002+01:00

Well my lovelies, here I sit, 1:30 am and it would appear that sleep is no where in sight. Again <sigh>. I can only assume this is because I have so many lovely things rattling around in my pretty little brain.

Shhhh – lovely secret things! You will hear about it all soon enough :-).

It would appear that I am self medicating a bit this evening – having a few glasses of wine as I have a little sing-song. So I think tonight's little observation is going to be about being a little dangerous… maybe a little brave.

I adore being single – I really really do. I love not sharing the remote, and I thrive on things being exactly where I left them. I get absolutely orgasmic over the fact I don’t have wash some man’s knicks…And I don’t have to share the good wine with a git who doesn’t get it… Ha!
I am not willing to give this up easily. I have reached an age that has brought me a bit of peace – finally.

It’s a brave thing to hit this world eye to eye alone. Sure you have mates, you have family, you have love… but I know that I can hit the bottom face first, and get up alone, smiling. There is lots of power in that, people. The kung-fu is strong.

Don’t get me wrong – I love and I laugh. I don’t mind having the touch of a good man… BUT – I have found strength and peace and it’s glorious. I guess it took a little solitude and being without someone nagging the piss outta me day and night to find this little thing…

Let’s get back singing now…

Saw the world turning in my sheets and once again I cannot sleep.
Walk out the door and up the street; look at the stars beneath my feet.
Remember rights that I did wrong, so here I go…

Thank you, Mr. Blunt for the sing-song this evening!

Peace be with ye – From the soap-box

My ‘Give a Shit’ was not busted, y’all.

2009-05-12T10:39:00.002+01:00

I just got busy :-). It’s not that I don’t love you, loyal reader(s)…I just had to put you on ‘ignore’ for a tiny bit while I caught up with the boring side of living <sigh>.

If it wasn’t for the God-given beauty of an antlantique (Chambord, schnapps, vodka, lemon juice), some of these recent days could have involved an ill humour, or even a mischief.

My current rant is : Why, and I do mean with a loud and long good accent..WHhhhhyyyyyy – do my ex’s feel like they get a freakin opinion about my day? Why? What is it about *me* that the ex’s of my life won’t release?

Example – My recent ex wanted to come over yesterday and collect the 50kg of dog food that he left behind. I wasn’t home. I told him so in a text message in response. Do you *know* what he said? Check this out ‘I wish you had told me you weren’t going to be home before I got on the road!’

WHAT the hell, I ask you? Why on *earth* would I give a run-down of my plans to an ex? Is there some new rule out there that says I need to tell my ex I am going to leave the house just in case he wants to come by? Or am I meant to just ‘connect’ and anticipate his needs? Ha!!

Needless to say – that text got *no* answer. None. I stared at my phone in disbelief for a moment, laughed – and carried on about my day.

Ohhhhhhh it was a day that included the purchase of a fabulous yellow summer top…. I am divine in it!!! Does that perfect ‘boob’ thang – girls, you know what I mean!

Lovin y’all from the soap-box

Lxxx

As I lay here… not quite foetal :-)

2009-04-26T17:22:00.002+01:00

I just need to start off with a ‘jeeze man’ my back is killing me. I caught myself in a fall yesterday, and thought it was no big deal… but now my lower back is feeling DIRE! I think I might need to go off to the docs tomorrow… shite! I’d go foetal with the pain if I could bend that way . . . :-)

I also gotta say – I’ve got an exciting new chapter happening in my world. I’ve had some sad closures… but I’ve got some pretty exciting beginnings going on to.

I’ll be writing more about all this soon, but just now, I need to go and deal with this awesome back pain.

You are not forgotten… just postponed!

Love,

A new hope...(Let's all have a fluffy bunny-hug)

2009-04-21T10:49:00.004+01:00

Sounds a bit like the beginning of Star Wars :-)
New World, new hope... If I could make this scroll up the screen with some theme tunes... Man move over Lucas!

First I need to share my crushing, and I do mean shattered, experience... I found out late last night that Leafy made rusks. I *adore* her rusks. Seriously, I actively steal them when she makes them. I put them in a box and I hide in the back garden to eat them. I have been told I have a problem - perhaps one of those little addictions that you hear so much about on all the best talk-shows.
I usually find a reason to spend the night at her house when I know she has them drying out.. so that I can be on hand to steal the best ones. So I am sneaky as well...

But now, she's in Wigan. And she made them -and get this shiiaat- for people I don't even know! I kid you not, total strangers to me have eaten them. They don't love her rusks like I do. I bet they don't moan when they dunk them in coffee... Sweet baby James, I think I'm a little turned on by these!
So now, I'm crushed. Rusks were made, and I have none. I am having coffee *right freaking now* and I have no rusk. Are you feeling my pain, loyal reader?

Now that we have cleared the pain out of the way... I'm heading for the New World, people. I will be dropping hints and details as time goes, so pay attention.

New Hope, New World :-)
Less rain, more smiles, new adventures to be had. The land of great seafood and great music beckons...

Lovin' Yall from the edge.... if I only had a rusk to call my own...

I’m tired – please show me something real.

2009-04-20T09:02:00.002+01:00

I am preparing to walk out the door and up the street… do I need to put my wellies on?

I am smelling suspicious amounts of bullshit in my lovely little world and I am thinking I need to go all 005.1 (I’m too short for 007) on the cause.

The thing is, I am struggling to work out why I should even care…I think today’s little chat will about life, and bullshit interjections.

Why do we have this? Is it that we need to create drama where there is none, in order to make our worlds more interesting? Will we ever learn that back-biting and bullshit never works…reality works. Honesty works. No hiding who and what you are – that works.

Bullshit is a short-term thrill, and it does not work. Yet, as a people we seem to be so often covered in the stuff.

I’m shrinking my world, people. I want real. No more purveyors of bullshit. Just because I don’t give a shit, does not mean that I don’t care… I would rather have 1 good friend that I can trust, than be surrounded by 100 half arsed attempts.

Are you on that list? Do I need to get my wellies on when you are near? If I need wellies for you… then go on home. I have enough short term thrills that are sexier than bullshit for any day of my week.

Am I upset? No. Am I sad? No.

I am real… are you?

Love,

Lxx – tired of having to scrape massive amounts of smelly bullshit out of the way every time she walks out the door.

NICO STAI on MySpace Music - Free Streaming MP3s, Pictures & Music Videos

2009-04-16T22:18:00.002+01:00

This guy is my latest discovery… If you are a fan of Indie, and we all know anyone with any good taste is, you gotta go check this out. He’s a virtual ‘unknown’, but man is he good.

Love,

L xx

Perfect hair, pouty lips, stunning legs…

2009-04-12T11:19:00.002+01:00

Yes, it’s me – well sorta. It’s a bit like having a face lift, except it’s not real. It’s my latest ‘net love… Second Life.

The people are real people, the places are all user created and even the Smithsonian is on there! But do you wanna know the very best part?? You get to create your own avatar (that’s geek-speak for animated computer person).

I, and I shit you not, have even found a live blues joint near a trailer park on the Gulf Coast…I am talking Second Life here folks.

Check it out – that’s me! Nearly as gorgeous as the real me, yes?

See ya’ll there…

Lynn – the soap-box goddess

The Wonders of Facebook

2009-04-11T09:17:00.002+01:00

I know ya’ll are thinkin’ - ‘Is she the last person on Earth to discover Facebook?’ – probably.

It’s not that I’m tech-challenged (as a matter of fact, I’m a severe gadget freak!) is more that I always thought things like Facebook were a bit silly. Well, I have seen the error of my ways! Yes, I have been shown the Light.

When I moved overseas, I lost touch with nearly everyone I went to school with. Not anymore. I didn’t lose them, they were waiting for me like my loving family on Facebook.

When I lived in the South, I was always on the chat with my cousin Kim –then I moved overseas… Well – we chat nearly daily on Facebook. I was even tracked down by Stacey – one of my favourite Canadians!

Sweet baby James – My grandmother is on Facebook.

My local mates are there… Speaking of mates – It’s Saturday and I better run to Facebook and see what our plan is for the evening!

Now, if I could just get the world to discover SL with me… hehehe

Lovin Ya’ll

Lynn xx

View Full Album

I just wanna feel Real Love…

2009-04-08T19:54:00.002+01:00

Sweet baby James! Let me tell you - *today* yes folks *today* I put myself in the hands of the sweet boy at Sony – and I am forever changed. I explained to him about the power of the Southern Hissyfit if I wasn’t happy, and he understood.

Do you get me here? He understood! I am so happy I could weep for joy. Seriously ya’ll, I think I feel a tear…

Lemme ‘splain. I need my music cocoon to be complete. I need Robbie and Natalie and Satch to sound perfect. And I am a *total* sound snob, so I mean puuuuurrrrfect. Perfect access to perfect sound is always a must, but lately with the living-room drama, I would go as far to say that it is freakin crucial.

So I told this boy… this sweet sweet boy, my troubles. He took me by the hand, explained all the ways one could achieve sound excellence and helped me. He looked in the face of a future hissyfit and felt no fear. He was proud, and he accepted the responsibility.

I am off to play in SL and play my music as loud as I want…

Lovin ya’ll from my soap-box xxxx

Yes, I am still alive.

2009-04-05T09:38:00.002+01:00

Greetings loyal reader(s), I am still here, and absolutely full of tidy things to post. HOWEVER – the Mother-Unit has been visiting for the last week, so time to post has been a little thin on the ground… So if you need wisdom you will have to wait until later in the week.

Can I get a favour from the folks of Cardiff – Y’all puhleaaze stop wearin the bright spandex with high-heels and crap tops. You are just *killin* my momma. I have lived in the UK for years, so I am numb to the attack… please have mercy on my momma and let someone else dress you before you go outside? Just for a few days?

Love,

Lynn – missin her gilded soap-box just a bit

Waiting on the storm

2009-03-23T11:15:00.002Z

As I sit here, in Wales, with my windows open trying to feel the storm breeze… I find that I get a little misty thinking of home. My actual home – in the Deep South.

I’m finding myself pretty reflective this Monday morning. I miss thunder and lightening. Folks are far too civilised in the UK to have a good thunder boomer.

And, you know that little thrill you get from the weather dude when it’s all breaking loose? I miss that too. I miss everyone sitting outside drinking cold beer and watchin the sky – wonderin’ if this is twister weather.

I miss ‘y’all’ and ‘them’. Loyalty that flows through the bone, no matter how many times you have pissed ‘them’ off.

It makes a great afternoon yanno… Gettin y’all to come over to hang with momma and them to have a cold beer and wait out the storm.

It might sound dire, but trust me – it’s actually pretty grand.

Lynn

All you need is love…

2009-03-21T18:23:00.002Z

All together now…Nooooo all you really need is a laptop.

Or am I sounding a bit too cynical? Nahhh. Watch me pull out my visa and hit the ‘net runnin.

Let’s take today as a good example of laptop love. I found myself a little bit hung-over today and rather unwilling to shift. However, that didn’t stop me from being useful whilst sitting on my arse in post-beer recovery. No no no, I, dear reader(s), was productive! Check this little list out and feel free to be impressed:

I went grocery shopping, did some bill paying, sorted out my online dvd rentals, arranged for a redelivery from the postman, sent out invitations, kept up with my family, got pet insurance, AND learned all about Second Life whilst listening to my newest addiction – XM radio 80s on 8.

Amazin, huh? Even now, I’m watchin the 6 nations Rugby (Wales v Ireland), went to pizza hut online and got dinner delivered, listening to a mate whinge from home …

How you *evvvah* seen someone so productive whilst needing some couch time? I shit you not…

All together now – All we need are laptops, wa wa wawawa…Love the Beetles :-)

Pizza is here!

Must dash,

L xxxx

Oh my! I think I’m in love…

2009-03-19T15:22:00.002Z

I am having this whole streamlined new laptop experience. I just got it today, and it really does do everything for me. It’s a little bit sexy, my little HP :-)

I need to run the dogs to the vet. I know in the way of posts, this is a rather shit one – but I just felt this overwhelming urge to share. Love is in the air…

Lynn

I have a junkie super power!

2009-03-18T19:49:00.005Z

So, it works out that I'm single these days. No biggie. I think this peace is actually coming with age... just now, I am just so tickled to not have to share, I can't get in to the pain all the magazines say I'm supposed to be feeling. Oh what a pity. Heartless? Nooooo... factual, sugah.

I am really digging this 'my way all the time' thing. I eat and watch and leave exactly when I want to. I'm serious as a heart attack here- there is no foward planning. I don't 'run it past' big daddy in the next room. I eat butternut squash whenever I want and my redbeans go much further... It's pretty amazing, and I'm betting most chics don't get this.

Ya wanna know what I did for two hours today? I watched catch up episodes of Grey's Anatomy on my pc. That's right.

I sat on my arse, drank coffee, and achieved sweet f' all for two whole hours watchin McDreamy. No one nagged me... I think I've discovered a new super power.

I read a book while I ate my lunch. It was great company and I laughed like a loon over my tomato soup.

I am relaxed... see? It's a super power. I really need to wear my knickers on the outside and learn to fly because this is just fab.

Now here is where some folks might call me a saddy... not so! I am pacing the floor drooling at the mouth waiting for my new laptop. I swear it's like someone promised me Shane Williams naked (thank YOU powerade!!!!). Nothing can touch me... I'm on the brink of new uber gadget power.

I am a junkie... a gadget junkie. Oh shit, I'm a gadget junkie with a super power...

Lynn - counting the hours and checking the city-link website every 10 minutes for a 'where's my package' update!

I'm diggin this brave new world...

2009-03-13T11:31:00.003Z

Sometimes I am just floored by the awesome amount of truly cool and useless shit I find on the net. I mean, this is some *must have* shit. Stuff I am almost sure I can't live without... Lovely usefulness!

Today I got my Moo Mini cards in the post. They are completely useless and wonderful. They are small business cards with cool stuff on the back. I'm digging them, and I think everyone should have them.

Then there is the pocketsufer 2r issue - should I have one? I keep debating... I haven't bought it yet, but it's broadband speed surfing in your pocket - That's a little bit uber, yes?

As well as all that glory, there is my Benrik needs - Get laid, find God - AND my world changing diary's from them. Here's the blurb from the 2008 one - I just loved having this in my handbag!

This Diary Will Change Your Life is back for 2008! Follow it this year, and you will get to interact with terrorists, traffic wardens, paedophiles and the Dalai Lama. This year's edition also features a red and yellow sticker, hand-attached by the nimble fingers of underage workers in the world's poorest regions. Peel it off after purchase to reveal a) your secret instructions and b) a stunning cover, full of unreadably small Swedish witticisms. It makes a Christmas present of taste, and is suitable for relatives and friends of all ages and IQ levels.

This is what we all need :-)

The net is a world of Gaping Void cartoons, Moo minis, Join Me Collectives... And not to mention non stop visa abuse

Oh happy days!

Lynn - Off to purchase a Slanket - the very latest in Lazy chic technology

Is it too much to ask?

2009-03-10T20:23:00.003Z

My needs are simple and clear, and as such, I think should be easy to meet. I don't require world peace, although it would be nice. I don't require a good cell phone plan - God knows I wouldn't know how to act with the extra money they rip off from me. I don't even require good petite jeans anymore - yes, at the age of 35 I am used to looking like shite or homeless when I relax. I don't require a man...but I do admit it's nice when a good one is around.

What *are* my needs (you ask)?

Simple.

Shoes that are comfy with a heel - so I can at least feel sexier than my 5 feet allow.

Moisturizing conditioner that *actually* freakin WORKS. I don't care about the cost

Tortilla chips that hold dip... and my dip I mean the full spread of guac, salsa, sour cream and peppers.

I require store made guac to be at least decent - I am LAZY and WHY can't I find good ready made guacamole?

I require my broadband to connect at least *near* the speed I pay for.

I require people to understand that just because I don't give a shit, doesn't mean I don't care.

See? This is just a simple sample of my simple needs...

So why, WHY, must life be such a struggle? I don't even really mind when I'm broke... but I give a MAJOR shit about having a comfortable bra that gives me awesome boobs - I don't want to hurt. Bra that hurts is not sexy.

Can someone please direct the requirement fairy to my house?

Love,

Lynn - who would KILL for there to be ONE Mexican restaurant in the UK - ONE! I would travel, and I would be grateful.

Yes, yes... I know!!!!!!!!!!! Damn!

2009-03-05T08:51:00.002Z

I know folks get used to me doing the constant blog thing... but damn y'all! Sometimes life likes to make a real effort at kicking me in the teeth. So you know what happens then...

I get mean, have a cold beer, and a deep think :-).Well now I have completed my uber life dodging process, and I am back! Miss me dear reader(s)?

Currently, there is a possibility that I just might be single. I am unsure... if you have had a beer with me at all in the past two weeks, you will be well aware of this little development. However, in the middle of it all I have become a bit of a roar chick... you know, I am woman, yadda yadda. What this means for me?

I bought matching knickers, got my eyebrows plucked and made the awesome purchase of purple eyeglasses.

Am I sick? Nooooooo...... Maybe I'm just changing direction? Either way, I'm strangely calm, and that's a bit scary .

Other news - the shit head neighbor has now moved. He took his crack whore girl friend with him, I am pleased to say. So, as of Sunday we are no longer subjected to their shit taste in music and her pathetic attempts at a blonde dye job (roots you silly bitch!!!). You may have worked out that she irritates me. She did, and now she doesn't, because she's gone to spread her nasty roots and chav lifestyle to some other hurting part of Wales... Can I get an Amen?

Even more news! Ahh... tune in later for the real thing...!!!!

Love,

Lynn (enjoying getting back on the soap box)

There's just not enough love in the world...

2009-02-21T15:18:00.003Z

Ahhh, what a good song. It's been in my head all afternoon :-)

I think people need to lower their expectations or be prepared to go through life a teensy bit disappointed.

I shall explain more later, dear reader(s).

Newport Fail!

2009-02-18T10:47:00.000Z

After I was through laughing my ass off... I found I was a little disgusted. I had to dodge the two teenagers with baby buggys to get this picture...How wrong is this? I'm off to share this photo with the fail blog, however, I need my loyal reader(s) to think about this. Is this social awareness for 2009? Or is this just freakin funny in a sad sad way?

On my last nerve...I am so confused!!!

2009-02-14T11:26:00.002Z

People piss me right off. I mean, really and truly irritate the shit out of me. I think sometimes I would be happier if I was on an island, by myself, surrounded with books.

Take my neighbor - please :-). He doesn't give a shit that his music blares through my walls... he just does it. The good news is that he is moving - I'm counting the days. But seriously, wasn't he raised better than that? Is he actually a piece of shit? I know he's young and I want to believe that he's not a waste of a human being, but in my heart I feel that he just might be.

I really don't like people.

And then...

Yesterday, and I shit you not, a complete stranger in a sandwich shop was joking with me about the busted ATM next door... and she gave me 20 quid to pay the butcher and run down the road to the next ATM. I didn't ask her for it, she just declared that I needed it. I still don't know her name. I quickly went to the ATM and gave her 20 quid return, and I bought her flowers. She seemed really shocked that I would buy her flowers.

I really don't like people - but then every once in a while I find a person who is worth knowing.

BTW, if that crappy kid neighbor of mine had decent taste in music, I might feel more forgiving. As it is, he listens to that 'duff duff' shite, and I can hear it thumping as I write this post.

I may need to shop - I have to find recovery... I think I might need a g&t...

Gin and shoes... Yes, that's my path to recovery.

See ya later!

Lxxx

Rugby love... Mmmm mmm Shane

2009-02-12T16:10:00.003Z

Powerade, anyone? I don't drink that crap as a rule... but if it offers a pc excuse to see Shane Williams (Wales winger) naked, then I'll support it. Or, I should say, I will support it until they change the ad campagne!

Now, why can't American football be this way? There is no way I find a bunch of padded numpties runnin' around and stoppin' every few seconds NEARLY as sexy and as fast paced as a good rugby game. No pads, no stoppin'... and would you just *look* at what some of these players are hiding under the uniform?

Shane is next in action on 14, Feb - Wales v England. What a benny... can watch all that sexiness run around and kick the shit outta England...

Riding a bus...I think I have a new source of joy.

2009-02-12T10:57:00.002Z

Let me start with the bullshitting you phase of the program...

I ride the bus because it's a greener method of transportation and I enjoy doing my bit to save the planet!

Bullshit phase over. Reality phase starts...

I ride the bus because it's cheap and easy and I don't like driving on the wrong side of the road. Sure I drive - I just don't like it. I enjoy my 5 minute walk to the bus station and more than anything I am starting to really enjoy listening to people on the bus. It's a mad-house on wheels. It's life jammed in to a rolling box. I adore it. I missed my stop the other day just so I could finish listening to the convo behind me.

Making my way home last night was fab... I learned that evil lives across the bridge in England. I learned that you never know 'who's about' after dark' there, and that if your past the age of 80 the bus driver doesn't care if you have your ticket or not. Great ain't it? In the whole few weeks I have been in Wales, I never realised how lucky I was to have safely crossed the Severn bridge...

I discovered the other morning (whilst listening in) that to get anything done right in this world, you can't ask a man. I also learned that as long as your boyfriend says he's sorry and buys you a pressie, it's ok if he shags your mates. I learned that you should never piss off the blonde who is cutting your hair downtown...

I found out that Judith (whom I don't know but I hope rides the bus one day with me!) is not nervous at all, despite the fact she is 85. She doesn't even keep her key in her pocket and she even crosses the bridge to Bristol to shop sometimes...

I think that I may have tapped in to a new line of wisdom and insight... you may expect more of this from my travels via bus to Cwmbran!

Stay tuned...

Lxx

Oh sweet Jesus...

2009-02-11T14:08:00.000Z

It would appear that I can blog while 'on the go'. What does this mean for you and I? It means there is a very real chance my filter (the one between my brain and my fingers) may be comprised...

It means that I now have the power to shoot off and dispense wisdom when ever and where ever...

Oh this is a serious super power I have discovered... Indeed, I think my kung-fu is strong.

Lxx - posting from the mobile soap-box!!!

Testing mobile blogging...

2009-02-11T14:03:00.001Z

Testing testing 1 2 3. A we ready to rock?

I just don't know ...

2009-02-10T18:32:00.002Z

...What it is about folks. They need to 'big' themselves up to everyone. Do some folks think they suck so badly that no one will actually like the real person inside? Is this an indictment of society at large? Should I be ashamed to let the world know that I make less than a Macdonalds fry cook even tho I have a wonderful degree? What is it about people?

We work to have them in our lives, but we slam who ever leaves the room first. We are quick to pass judgment out loud, and then proceed to lie about ourselves.

I honestly don't think there is a cure for this. All we can do is become aware and maybe do a little bit of forced therapy.

I have an idea - let's all take a page from that annoying facebook thing floating around (25 facts about me - bullshit I'm sure). Forget the 25 facts and self bigging... Next time your in conversation make a point to be completely honest on just one thing about yourself. We can't handle 25 things... the world isn't ready and a fair bit of what we put out there is simply gilded bullshit for the masses in any case.

Your wife loves you - your dog thinks your lovely. The boss will always think you work slower than you are actually doing. Your mom loves you no matter what...

So let's try this - let's be honest. Just once, for one brief statement.

I'll start - 'I would rather have another beer than sit here and chat. I have gas and I need to be alone for 5 minutes before I enter the pain stage....'

See?

Love,

Lxxxx

Feeling the urge to post now...

2009-02-08T13:48:00.004Z

...Because Wales is playing Scotland today in the Rugby Six nations. This means I'll be at Keith and Sarah's house with a full crew of mates and booze on hand. See, this is what drinking responsibly is. It's knowing in advance that you are likely to be tore-out-the-frame and therefore unable to post or even think later. So I gather my wisdom in advance of this meeting of the mates... and I share it with the world. Yes, I am still convinced there is at least one person out there reading my posts and enjoying the wisdom I deliver.

Today I feel an urge to purge about grocery store snobbery.

Do you shop at Teso's but act as if you shop at Waitrose? Who out there claims Bruno's over Walmart? Are you ever a little embarrassed to be witnessed by the bogof (by one get one free) shelf? Do you secretly buy cheap toilet paper with some sort of embossing on it because it makes it look like the good stuff?

Do you quietly judge your mates when you find they have that scratchy loo-roll thing going on in their bathroom?

Don't deny it. You know you do. All of us fit in there somewhere to some degree.

I'm going to leave that little home-truth observation with you for a while, and I expect you to think on it.

When next I find myself sober and unhungover, I shall continue...

Lxx

Seeing Through and Dealing with Bullshit

2009-02-07T14:38:00.005Z

I'm not gonna sugar coat this one, folks. It's a toughie. Bullshiting is a fine art often used in unworthy causes... The trick is to develop your own powers of bullshit for the power of good, and develop your own bullshit sensor in the process. There are few things in life as important as a grand and fully working bullshit sensor.

One of the most unworthy causes you can ever see bullshit used in is the 'third party viewing' bullshit. It goes a little like this:
'I hate you, I have moved on, I never want to see you again, I'm better than you....' Yet every time you turn around this person is in your road waiting to be 'seen' by you.
Get it? Bullshit.
There are so many variations on this theme, and it can involve everything from Facebook and Blogger to the local Winn Dixie that you just KNOW is 18 miles out of his/her way to shop...

Another run of bullshit to be aware of is the 'drunken argument crisis aversion bullshit'. This is the one where you are determined to hash it out, but the person your arguing in just gives in way to quick in order to shut you up... Then you wake up in the morning believing all is well. Is it hell - it's bullshit. They wait on you like a spider and every declaration from the night before is void. This can be deep and painful bullshit when coupled with a royal hangover.

There are good lines of carefully crafted bullshit that can be used for good... An example: 'I think your hair looks fabulous and that dress looks great on you'. When said on the wedding day of a chick trussed up like a neon cow, it's good bullshit. No need to cause pain in a high moment.

I have to tell you, the bullshit that annoys me the most is the 'religious crutch bullshit'. This is the one were someone can be the biggest lying sack of shit on earth, but because they go to church every Sunday and insert 'God' and 'Jesus' in to every other sentence, then they *must* be OK. A person can be the slimiest liar and holier than thou shite-bucket... but if they make Wednesday night prayer meeting and have a blog about soul mates, marriage Monday, and bible verses with their wife - then they are clearly pillars of the community.
I declare that to be bullshit of the worst kind. Beware... fine tune your bullshit sensors. When yo you encounter this sort of bullshit you MUST make sure your give-a-shit stays busted while your fuck-off is in fine working order.

That's all from the gilded soap-box today...
Lxx
ps. stay tuned - my next rant is very likely to be on the subject of the fake and the pretentious

I quit smoking ... I think?

2009-02-05T19:00:00.002Z

At the beginning of the year, I got an awesome chest cold. It worked it's way in to a chest infection and it's taking ages to clear out. One of the things I hate is smoking when I'm chesty. So I didn't smoke while I was sick...

And I'm still chesty. It's like 3 weeks later and I'm feelin better, but I'm still chesty. And I haven't smoked. For three weeks. I didn't even miss it. I rarely even thought about it. I used no patches or anything. I just stopped.

Now, it seems like my family is on my last nerve. I know they don't mean it... but perhaps it's also because I'm not smoking???? Now I'm trying really hard not to smoke - still haven't had one, but now I think about it. Life is not fair... how can I accidentally quit smoking for three weeks and then suddenly have a problem really quitting?

I'm short and angry... I can do this. The scary side of this is that my filter is completely gone. I don't like the shit bag that plays his music with that crappy bass too loud. Before I would take it in aggravated silence, but now I proudly march over in my bathrobe at 11pm and knock on his windows. Awesome.

I was already a mouthy and opinionated goddess, and now without the cigs it seems that I am set free.

Watch out world - my mega opinions are coming and I don't care if your on your way to church or not!!!

Yeehaw,

Lynn - preaching from her precious solid gold soap-box

Long time no Blog!

2009-02-05T09:45:00.002Z

Sorry about that - I know many of you have gone without crucial advice and gossip...

Well, right after my last blog I got a little sicker and I ended up having surgery (on my birthday! bleh!!!!)

Then I had the good grace to recover slowly and after that I uprooted my family to Wales.

Short answer here is - I am better, I live in Wales now and I'm back on form! Yay!

Further on colonoscopy...

2008-08-05T14:14:00.002+01:00

Well the deed was done.
I can honestly say, hands on heart, that it wasn't that bad. As a matter of fact, the very worst bit was when they were trying to tap a vein to insert the drugs... I have very hide and seek veins. It took 5 tries! So, that was painful and a little stressy.

But the actual event its self - no problemo. What ever they use in those drugs is an amazing treat because the thing was a total blur. I remember vaguely looking at the monitor... and I remember being wheeled down a hall.
And that's it - nadda. Zip. Zilcho. Not even sore - no headache, no arse ache...

I'll fill you in on the results as we go!

Lxx

Holy Crap!!! I think I'm only 35 this year....

2008-07-24T18:10:00.002+01:00

I thought for a fact I was turning 36. Have I really gone that loopy? Is it possible that I'm just not sure how old I am? I mean, I am mostly sure how old I am, and at worst I was only a year off...
Does this sort of thing happen to everyone when they get older? The years just running all together?
As I am taking this as a sure sign of old age, I must admit outloud that I am a pro at Guitar Hero, I climp (and jump!), I like my music loud... very loud and sometimes I eat pie for breakfast....

Eeep!
L xxxx

A Mimi thought of the day...

2008-07-23T16:34:00.002+01:00

In response to my asking her if they went to a Mardi Gras parade that day...

Email on Feb 5, 2008:

As a matter of fact we had to go have Doug's hearing aid worked on. And then to vote. Your grandfather voted for Hillary so I am leaving him. Work hard.
-------------- Original message from "Ophelia Immortale" <ophelia.immortale@googlemail.com>: --------------
I don't suppose you will be downtown today drinking warm beer? I told all my friends that you would be....

Upcoming Colonoscopy Exam...

2008-07-23T12:09:00.002+01:00

Hey - it's a scary thing having a 'cricket ball' sized lump in my guts. I've done loads of reading, and it would appear that I'm in pretty good company on that front. There are so many things that could be wrong.... ranging from cancer to irritable bowl issues. The symptoms seem to really mirror each other in these cases.

It's pretty stressful, the unknown and all the tests and scans they give out are mysterious and add to the stress. So I've decided to share my experience in my blog. I'm hoping that someone who is in the same boat as myself will find some comfort in it.

Last week I had a CT scan - it was all very civilised. It was one of those new things that looks like a big polo mint. It moves over the areas it wants to see and la-te-da, you're done. To have this scan, they make you drink a 'special' drink. It wasn't so bad - milky white and smelled a bit like peaches. I wouldn't say it tasted good... but it was tolerable. I've surely tasted worse!
When I got on the table, they hooked an IV looking thing to my arm so that they could inject some dye at the right time.
I gotta confess, this was a little stressy. It's the unknown. Well, as it turns out, it wasn't so bad. The dye made me a little warm for a couple of minutes and then it was all over.
The worst part now is waiting for the results. My doctor tells me that when we see this scan, we will pretty much know what sort of thing my 'cricket ball' is. I should know tomorrow or Friday. And when I do, I'll share.

A colonoscopy exam was scheduled for me before I had my CT - and that's going to happen on the 30th. I'm absolutely stressy over this. According to the doc... I get heavily sedated and they are shoving (gently inserting?) a long camera thing up my bum, far into my bowels. I know that I'm not the only one scared and put off by this process... So I'm hoping that talking about the experience before and after on here will help with relaxing the fears of others.

Anyway - this is my plan - to share. Ask me questions, offer comments, share anything at all really.

Here we go!
L xx

At what point can you remove yourself from pointless convo....without rudeness?

2008-07-21T13:14:00.003+01:00

Or, do we give a shite if we are rude or not?
It's a new world these days, and manners aren't what they were. When I was growing up, men still opened doors down South....

Now, here in Merry Olde England, I could grow old and feeble while I wait. It's just that terminal. I know it's not a big deal, a fellow opening a door, but it does start to show a bit of the confusion we all suffer on the 'who gives a shit and why do I have to listen' scale.

It's OK to cut folks off in traffic, never let anyone out, have cart rage at the grocery store, talk on the mobile in the cinema, and let your precious pup leave little doggy turd-treats on the sidewalk for all the world to enjoy.

But god forbid if we really don't give a shit about what a near stranger is blabbering on about. You know the ones... you run in to them every 6 or 8 months at the grocery store or post office. You generally don't hang out with them because you find them annoying. You're in a hurry, and they get all excited to see you and regale you for the next half an hour on jam recipes, handmade cat treats and foot blisters.

It's not that I have any real desire to be rude, and I don't think anyone else does either (up to a point). But why aren't we working on changing the common courtesies back in to what they once were? Why is it OK to never ever let anyone else out in a traffic jam and not OK to just admit you're in a hurry and don't want to chat? Why is it OK to steal a parking space from someone you KNOW is watching it, yet make ourselves late for an appointment in the process of having a chat you would rather not have? You only had 5 minutes to buy that postage stamp, after all...

My point is that we contradict ourselves to a horrible degree in this society. I believe that gentlemen should open doors. I believe we should be honest with people, that way we are surrounding ourselves by people who enrich our lives and are OK with the truth. I believe that letting a car in front of you and giving up that extra two foot of gain in a traffic jam is fine. Kids should show manners, people should pick up dog poo.

It makes you wonder where we are going wrong, doesn't it. Kids curse their parents, groups of more than 2 walking home from a night out will disrupt a whole street, parents let small children run riot in stores. Why is all of this ignored and treated as something that just 'is', but yet....
I'll listen about your burnt roast for half an hour, miss my appointment, never buy that stamp, and up my own stress levels for.... what was your name again?

We really need to wake up, folks. Our world is becoming a rude and brutal place, and our kids are learning from the worst of examples. Any chance we can spend less time on a pint and more on helping a nameless granny with her shopping bags?

2008-07-18T12:04:00.000+01:00

My Mom... She's the most beautiful woman in the world. She's strong, she's loving and she's proud.
She's so practical, that she can see straight from A to Z, while the rest of us are running around worrying between all the other letters in between. Watching her handle life, I find strength and insight. I learned from my mom how to 'out dance' the pain and embrace the day.
Music is best when it's loud. Laughter is awesome between two. Southern charm can get you out of nearly any tight situation. Speak up and take notes....
Oh, and always know where you are at all times.
Love you Mom!

Hello! Welcome!

2008-07-18T11:23:00.000+01:00

Oh yay! I'm a member of the modern world now - I have my own blog.
Maybe it's more of a case of me having wayyyyy too many opinions and I'm just dying to share them. I'm gonna sit back and assume that y'all are waiting for my every nugget of wisdom - better for the ego that way.

Some topics I hope to cover in greater detail along the way in the next few weeks....
1. At what point is it considered 'ok' (not rude) to politely not give a shit and remove yourself from a seemingly terminal converstaion? Does one lie? Or is one blunt?

2. Reading on the toilet - Novels? Newspapers? Timewasting or relaxing? Parental hideout?

3.Eating pie (chocolate...) for breakfast - Is it better for you earlier in the day? Should we just have our puds first thing? I firmly think so!

4.Hip hugging tight jeans and big bellies and booties - Does no one love these girls at home? Don't they realise that there are other styles out there that don't make the soft chicks like homeless?

5.Grocery store snobbery - Do you secretly shop at Tesco and claim outloud that you shop at Mark and Spencer or Waitrose?

These are just for starters.... I'll also take comments and requests. I will also be sharing random thoughts from Mimi as I get them.

Cheers M'dears,
L xx